How I Got to Harvard 

My road to Harvard wasn’t one bricked in yellow—rather my road was littered with bones and remnants of the dead.

I know, you’re double checking the author line to see if Emily wrote this. This opening line is NOT our usual Pollyanna of a Leader. This person sounds like a reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe.

Yes, it’s me.

And, this is part one of my story...

Part one begins with the death of my Grandmother—
correction—I’ll have to begin even before that, with the death of my Grandmother’s mother, as this is where the ancestral karma became activated…

What is ancestral karma? Pains, traumas, limiting beliefs, and family paradigms which imprint into our nervous systems, affecting our expression of who we truly are. The science of Epigenetics shows us that the traumas, burdens, struggles, and unresolved emotions that imprinted our parents and ancestors’ nervous systems can get passed down from generation to generation. These imprints of the past weigh on us and limit our expression and experience of life. They prevent us from creating the life we truly desire. They can affect our health, our happiness, our abundance, our relationships, the ease, or lack of which, we flow through life. Most of us live without ever being aware of these invisible, yet confining, imprints. (from elegantalchemy.com/journal/ancestral-karma-why-it-matters)

My great grandmother’s life ended in the late 1920s due to complications from an illegal abortion. My grandmother, only two at the time, would grow up not knowing her mother. Rather, knowing only that her mother died because of a child that wasn’t wanted—her tiny mind and heart associating, and assuming, that she must be one of those too. Rejection, subconsciously driving the way she showed up in life.

It wasn’t until I learned to read my Akashic Records did I understand how this familial event was a profound, yet subconscious, force that drove my decision to quit college and move to LA. One of those fork-in-the-road moments, if you will.

My Hollywood years were an absolute karmic boot-camp. A microcosmic environment of intensity on all levels. My mind, heart, and soul were simultaneously expanding and breaking down. Call it learning major unfinished life lessons on fast track.

In the beginning years, after a great audition with producers—By the way, “with producers” means this isn’t my first audition for the role. In fact it’s my LAST audition, as once you meet the producers, they decide if you’re “it”or not—I’d walk out of that casting room, head held high, skipping in my heels, dodging traffic and sidewalk cracks so big they’d swallow you, smiling to myself like Tinkerbelle, high on bus fumes.

How long do you think this euphoria lasted?

By the time I reached my car, usually parked six blocks away, I had already become a prisoner to my phone, having checked that bad boy a couple times to see if my agent had called. (OK, that first year in Hollywood was so long ago, I was actually a prisoner to my pager...but very soon, I got a phone and became slave to that baby too.) By the time I drove an hour home, (because even if your audition is down the street, it’ll take an hour to get there) I would begin checking my phone obsessively, (like every 30 seconds) to see if my agent had called yet. Sometimes this would go on for up to a week before my phone would ring. Usually, it was a new audition, a new character, starting the process over from the beginning, that took my mind off the pain of waiting to hear.

See, one of two things will happen after an audition with producers: One, your agent will call and tell you that you got the job. Two, nothing. Not shit. Crickets. And you’re forced to self-soothe as you slowly give up hope.

Of the arsenal of survival skills I built there in Hollywood, developing a powerful immunity to rejection was top priority. With daily auditions and literally thousands of jobs I didn’t get, I had no other option.

How did I learn to let it go? How did I learn to turn off this aspect of my DNA, after it had been turned on?

Before learning to read the Akashic Records, I was shooting in the dark, but at least I was shooting.

I tried everything to escape the rejection, from numbing out with alcohol and drugs, to becoming sassy and combative, to fox-and-grapeing it.

Eventually, I found my way to more powerful practices like meditation. Meditation slowed down my reactionary emotional patterns long enough I could get a more clear picture of the true nature of things. I developed the ability to witness my experience through someone else’s perspective.

I began to see producers and directors as just people doing jobs at which they wanted to be good. And, they were all hoping that I (or whatever actress walked into their audition room, it wasn't specific to me, it was just the true nature of things) was the girl to help them.

This revelation made me feel wanted and valued, rather than left on the cutting room floor. I felt people rooting for me instead of against me. I began to harness that momentum in the audition room, and book job after job. Granted, it took years of feeling the negative emotions before I realized there was even another choice on how to respond to all the jobs I wasn’t getting.

I had divinely chosen the long road to my healing.

Fast-forward to April 2019, Hollywood behind me, and The Akashic Academy in full swing. For many years now, my grandmother’s health had been deteriorating. She was suffering from alzhiemers and dementia, and the quality of her life had long since crumbled. This once powerful and strong single mother and school teacher who, without a driver’s license, would take her children on adventures like you wouldn’t believe, was confined to a wheelchair, which she would regularly plunge out of, head first, suffering terrible cuts, bruises, and concussions. The hymns she used to belt out in church were now mumbled and drooled out of her loose lips as her glazed eyes seemed to scan the room for angels. Truthfully, we all wondered why she was hanging on so long in this state. This went on for many years, we knew she would pass “soon,” just not having any idea how long “soon” was.

One night, earlier this spring, I remember a particular emotional break down I had. It was a Tuesday night. Weird only because Tuesdays are days I spend with my Akashic Records students. The vibe in my world on Tuesday is so magically high, emotional breakdowns don’t usually happen on Tuesdays.

This one did.

It was a heavy one. Not only were there deep hot tears rolling down my face, but unexplained anger, rage even, was pulsing through my veins. I couldn’t explain what was coming out of me, nor what had triggered the need for this deep release.

Until the next morning when my mom called.

She told me that Gran had taken a turn and hospice had been notified. Granted, this incredibly strong woman had been to hospice twice before, and got her exit ticket both times. Maybe it should be called her re-entry ticket rather than her exit ticket, in this case.

However, this time, her passing was imminent. If I wanted to be with her, and the family, it was time to fly home.

Instantly, all my intense emotions from the day before made sense. Somewhere in my DNA, I had already gotten this message. I booked my flight and by midnight I was there.

In the days surrounding her passing, she had many beautiful souls serving her. Her four children, a caring staff, and one of her grandchildren, me, attended to her final needs—including my Grandmother’s desire to also lay the rejection to rest. I knew I was the only one who could bring the light on this one...

I remember talking one afternoon with my mom and aunts, my grandmother also present in her subdued physical state, and perhaps even in her full consciousness outside of her physical body.

At this point in my journey, the Akashic Records are present in everything I do. Whether I’m having lunch with you, going live on a global video broadcast, or sitting in an intimate circle with my Divine feminine ancestral lineage. On this particular afternoon, in my Grandmother’s care facility, I shared with my family the realization I had when learning how to read my own Akashic Records. How this deep emotional trauma my Grandmother has sustained, had been passed on to each of us. I shared my realization about how my journey into Hollywood was heavily (and subconsciously) driven by the desire to face this head on and release it. As I shared, each woman began to see how this issue had also affected her, in its own unique way. With the awareness brought to the surface, I felt my Grandmother inviting each of us to let it go...and so it is. And so we did.

Not long after this sacred circle, my Grandmother made her way...

Aunt Pappy asked me to deliver the eulogy, sharing that everyone agreed, I was the one they wanted in this role. Honored and humbled, I accepted.

Nanoseconds after accepting, my consciousness flashed forward to the funeral, me standing with my Grandma in the front of the sanctuary, sharing a testimony to her life. I realized in that moment, besides humbled and honored, I was also nervous.

I thought about my journey through Hollywood, how it definitely prepared me for this kind of thing, more than most. I also thought about my mission sharing the Akashic Records, and how one of my biggest unaccomplished goals was to share the Akashic Records on a huge public stage, like TedX—an area where I was still experiencing rejection.
I briefly wondered if this could be a gateway, perhaps an energetic template, I was creating.

While I would have loved to contemplate this further, I had to get to work. Write/edit/practice/perfect. This takes a hot second, people…

Next, I did what I always do when it’s time to channel/create something brilliant. I went into my Akashic Records and began to call forward the perfect memories and poignant stories that would honor my Grandmother’s unique experience. It was some of the most special and sacred material I’ve ever channeled.

I wove together special elements to honor each of her children and grandchildren, brought along a few props (in my bra, because that’s what my Granny would do), re-enacted the time she found me locked in her bathroom making “potions”, and led the congregation in meditation to connect with my Granny. It was one of the most special and unique eulogies ever. Yes, it was a performance. One to honor the heck out of my Granny.

I was so present and connected in that room, I think I met everyone in the eyes (soul) at some point in the eulogy. I was creating an experience, and electricity in the room, that was palpable. People felt their own presence in a way that enlivened them. People felt my Granny, alive and vivacious. And they felt God, in whatever form that was relevant to them.

After the services, many people approached me to ask me if I was a public speaker. Even the Pastor took a moment to give me his card and let me know he was moved to pray for me because I was here to do big things. Ah, Pastor Bill...I love you, Buddy.

Reflecting on the whole experience. I began to realize that indeed, I had created a template. I came back to my hometown, the place where my soul originated on this planet (this go round), laying to rest any seed of rejection that has paralyzed my family, and declare my Divine sovereignty. I was making a declaration to the Universe that I was ready for what’s next. Bring it on, I thought. I’m ready….
In less than six months I would find myself giving my first keynote speech.
A college drop out, at Harvard University...
To be continued...

This article was originally featured in The Akashic Magazine. You can subscribe to The Akashic Magazine to get all the articles in high-quality color PDF format totally free at: https://theakashicacademy.com/magazine